Trying to Figure it Out

OK. I am a little puzzled.
Is it him?? Believing in me reminding me to believe in me...and I am showing this new confidence??
Is it me? Losing weight.. do people see it already? But, no... one of my "fans" is online and has not SEEN me, only talked to me.


The email from Connie... the flirting from Carrie today.... I wonder. I "feel" more confident. Maybe I am emitting that today. I even think Jon is a little more affectionate, though it is hard to tell what he is trying to show or say. Connie always loved to flirt with me and always said, "one day Kel, one day" but Carrie?? I really do not want to analyze it... I just kind of like.... I don't know what about it, just makes me feel good.

I guess I never was one to turn heads. I mean I wasn't a lot to look at. Or I guess I was TOO much to look at.. I just remember that I never met a girl that liked me on that first look. All of my girlfriends "knew" me for awhile and learned to love my personality and then we would get together. May be why a lot of my girlfriends, I was their first girlfriend. Tired of not finding a guy that was any good so they would talk to me, tell me their sad story, and I listened. One thing all girls love... someone who can listen. And then one day, it would click... and well.... Joyce, Lisa, Steph, Fran,....all straight..till they dated me. And of the 4, 2 are with men again. Said it was just me. They weren't gay. Hmmmm.... but I guess that could be the same with Carrie... I don't know, it's confusing.

What I do know is that the love I have now truly loves me. And yes, he had to get to know me too...don't think he was attracted to me on site. But I was with someone... and so was her. Hard to say. All I know is that part of me likes the idea of being attractive and for people to flirt with me. What can I say... I AM a girl you know!